A Bad Girl Will Always Get Her Way
I may be a good homegirl, but I will never be a good girl.
I tried. Once upon a time, I really tried. I was well-behaved, quiet, and careful. I did what I was supposed to do. I stayed out of the way. I was a firm believer in fairness and always followed the rules. But I’ve learned that in this world, especially as a Black woman, being “good” doesn’t exactly protect you from being perceived as “not good”.
I got my first detention in sixth grade after some lady swore I shouted a profanity in the hall. First, I’d never seen this teacher in my life before this particular day (and yes, yes she was ⚪️ ). But most important, I hadn’t. I wouldn’t dream of it. I was a soft-spoken, sweet little Christian child at the time. What actually happened was a popular boy playfully shoved me and I shoved him back saying “get to class”. One thing I’ve always been is a flirt. But is that really a crime? Her accusation stuck, and brought with it an avalanche of shame. I served that detention and learned to become aware of that glare someone gives while they’re creating a toxic narrative in their mind about who you are. Goodness is never really about your actions; it’s all about your palatability.
And the biggest reality I would have to face is that I am not palatable.
I was once let go from a job, not because I wasn’t performing or had done anything wrong. My work was solid and numbers were up. It was because I didn’t “seem happy”. The company, full of Gen X white women in fashion, didn’t see me as agreeable or eager to smile through their micro-aggressions. While I’m always kind, I will always tell the truth. To me, truth empowers the whole. But instead, that truth was framed as angry, as difficult. A problem. I was an angry Black woman, a Bad Girl.
The Bad Girl archetype has followed me since that day in 6th grade. I’ve been called promiscuous before my first kiss. I’ve had people I trusted steal from me. I’ve been lied to. Cheated on. Used. And betrayed. As a good homegirl, I consider myself a friend who is benevolent with her space, her food, her time, her resources. I wanted to believe that if you put good into the world, you’d get good back. And while that goodness does come back to you, a Bad Girl knows that you just don’t always receive good from the sources you put good into.
In 2007, Rihanna dropped Good Girl Gone Bad. A reintroduction. A shedding of the squeaky-clean pop princess image. When Good Girl Gone Bad: Reloaded followed in 2008, it was clear: Rihanna wasn’t going wasn’t going anywhere but to the top. And I recognized myself in her. It didn’t matter what song was on, Please Don’t Stop the Music coursed through my veins whenever I hit a dance floor. It wasn’t uncommon for me to sit in my Honda Civic in front of my apartment after a night out with tears streaming down my face singing along:
“Easy for a good girl to go bad, and once we've gone, best believe we've gone forever. Don't be the reason, don't be the reason, you better learn how to treat us right. 'Cause once a good girl goes bad, we done forever.”
— Rihanna, Good Girls Gone Bad
I didn’t ask for the Bad Girl life. The Bad Girl life chose me.
Pon de Replay was cute and all, but the Rihanna that gave us Breakin Dishes? Power. Presence. Poise. This was a woman who had decided to move on her own wave. This was a woman who would knock all this sh*t over if you wanna try her. Good Girl Gone Bad: Reloaded spawned hit after hit, earned her several Grammy nods, and cemented her as more than just a label’s experiment.
Rihanna is the modern archetype of The Bad Girl; she’s not reckless and never harmful. Rihanna, like most Bad Girls, is radically self-possessed. She knows who she is and champions for herself. Over the years, Rihanna has evolved beyond the music as an actress, fashion icon, a business mogul, a humanitarian, and a mother; all on her own terms. Not once did she shrink herself to be more likable. Didn’t stick to one lane. She didn’t wait for permission. The prime example of a woman who does not apologize for being herself: audacious, sexy, bold, and successful. Rihanna is a Bad Girl having her way.
That’s the thing the world doesn’t want you to know…
The Bad Girl always gets her way. But not because she plays dirty or anything. It’s because she refuses to be performative. She chooses her peace over other people's projections. She knows that she has no control over what other people think so she’s going to be true to herself. A Bad Girl is not afraid to burn a bridge and walk, head high, into the fire and onto what’s next.
In mythology and astrology, the Bad Girl lives in the archetype of Lilith. Lilith refuses submission, even in paradise. She is the part of us that cannot, and will not, be controlled. She represents the exiled, the disobedient, the unapologetic feminine. Disrupting what’s comfortable, the Bad Girl demands autonomy and takes the heat that comes with it. But she also opens doors to deeper self-love and authenticity. Lilith isn’t a curse; she’s a code for survival in a world that punishes women for taking up space.
And the Black Bad Girl? Talk about twice exiled. She’s the scapegoat, the siren, the jezebel, the stereotype, and the survivor. In media, she’s either hyper-sexualized or heavily policed. In life, she’s punished for her tone, her volume, her curves, her confidence, her refusal to accept less. Yet, the Bad Girl is also deeply magnetic. She embodies risk and radiance. She scares people because she is free.
I’ve been a Bad Girl for most my life now, and I have to say, now that I’m not wrestling with anyone’s perception of me: I love it here. I like myself better. I’m more honest and authentic. I don’t waste energy shrinking myself. I’m not trying to be understood by people who would rather misunderstand me. That’s madness. I refuse to explain myself. You either get it or you don’t.
Want to know 5 lessons I’ve learned from being a Bad Girl?
You are the best thing you have in this world. Act like it.
Nobody is coming to save you. Self-love isn’t just a mantra; it’s your foundation. Treat yourself like the prize you are.There will be many stories about you, but you wrote the book.
People will project, twist, distort. Let them. The truth is yours. What’s the narrative you want to leave behind?Reinvention is sacred.
You don’t owe anyone consistency. Start over. Pivot. Evolve. You are allowed to try again… and again… and again… and again.Do what you want. The sun doesn’t ask permission to shine.
“Be who you are for your pride.” Take up space. Wear the outfit. Say the thing. Don’t dim your light for anyone.Have some audacity.
And the courage to become someone new if you have to. Palatability is overrated, and baby, there’s profit in your presence. You don’t have to be digestible to be valuable.
Being a Bad Girl isn’t about being mean; it’s about being meaningful. The best Bad Girls are deeply kind, but don’t beg for kindness in return. It took me a minute to learn the second part, because how could you NOT want to be kind to me?! In a world that punishes Black women for simply existing, where confidence is mistaken for arrogance and honesty is mistaken for aggression, being a Bad Girl isn’t rebellion. It’s reclamation. For the girls that get it, it’s the path to everything you want.
