Embracing All That I Am: Awkward Black Girl to Unstoppable Force
I grew up an awkward Black girl. But truthfully, it wasn’t so much awkwardness as it was an inability to be anybody other than myself. When you’re on a wave that no one else seems to catch, the masses tend to laugh, mock, or ignore. Still, I’ve always had an inner voice that whispered, “Screw them—you’re the shit,” whenever the world tried to dim my shine.
Sure, I’ve had my quiet girl years. That, I think, is part of my brand of awkwardness. It wasn’t the cool kind that wins you admiration in a coming-of-age movie. It was the kind that keeps you questioning, “Why don’t I fit?” while quietly building a reservoir of strength that sustains you for years to come.
The beauty of life is that I don’t look like what I’ve been through. I’ve weathered more storms than I care to count. From young motherhood to the trauma of sexual assault to the emotional whirlwind of navigating life with two fathers, my story feels like a telenovela—one I wouldn’t believe myself if I hadn’t lived it. Somehow, though, all of this has deposited me here, radiating a cool-girl calm that belies the chaos I’ve survived.
There’s a strange poetry in how the world has finally caught up with the awkward and alt Black girls. We’re in vogue now thanks to storytellers like Issa Rae or artists like SZA. Our ambiguity, vulnerability, and refusal to fit neatly into a box have become a cloak of cool. And while I’ve stepped into that energy, it hasn’t come without struggle. I’d love to say I’ve got it all figured out, that I’ve conquered every fear and charted my path with ease. But the truth? I’m still somewhere in between.
I see where I want to go—clear as day. I know the steps to get there. And yet, it can feel impossibly hard to start. My therapist calls it a trauma response: the fear of visibility that comes with earned success. On one hand, I’ve broken up with that fear. On the other, I’m still caught in the go-between—the space between healing and being healed enough to take on what’s next.
This in-between space is tender and raw. It’s a mix of awkward newness and cautious optimism. There’s beauty in it, too, though it often takes distance to appreciate. The choices I make now carry weight, shaping the next chapters of my life. It’s thrilling and terrifying all at once.
But if there’s one thing I know for certain, it’s this: I have no choice but to be exactly who I am. The storms I’ve weathered, the awkwardness I’ve embraced, and the hope I hold for the future are all part of me. They make me stronger, even in the moments when I feel unsure.
Stepping into your power doesn’t mean you have to have it all figured out. It means showing up for yourself in the midst of uncertainty. It means giving yourself grace for what you’ve been through, hope for where you’re going, and acceptance for the messy, beautiful present moment.
For now, I’m finding the courage to keep stepping forward—even when I feel awkward, even when I don’t have all the answers. Because this is what it means to embrace all that I am: flawed, powerful, and beautifully human.
About the Images: Girl with Grapes is a series born from candid test shots. Inspired by the idea of pulling from the self as a muse, I express this in three moods: Muse, Myth, & Mischief; representing the soft, the serious, and the playful. A quiet reminder that we’re always allowed to be more than one thing.